Made in the System

by 

“Dude. I’ve found it.” The Systems voice chimed pleasantly from the walls of the house. Ryan looked up hopefully from his dinner, his brown hair falling into his face.

“What? The program?”

“No. Better.”

Ryan shook his head, turning back to his baby back ribs. “I asked you to find the program.”

“Dude. Shut up. This is way better than the free porn finder program you wanted. I found you a wife.” There was a bit of pride in the Systems masculine voice.

Ryan wiped his mouth. “What?”

“Three months ago you expressed the desire for a long term mate. I found her.”

Ryan ran to his computer room, where his System sphere was glowing with white light. “System, I don’t want a wife!”

“Hey, User Interface? You were the one whining at me, looking for free scenes of mating. The least you could do is thank me.”

Ryan crossed his arms, gazing at the sphere. “What does she look like?”

“You know, that is typical of you. I go to all this trouble to match your personality type, ph balance, find someone who would love you despite your neurotic fits and the first question you ask is what she looks like. Shallow bastard.”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “It was just a question.” There was a pause and a three dimensional hologram illuminated the middle of the room. It was a girl in her middle twenties, wearing a baby blue sweater and silver pants. She was a little chunky around the waist, but she had cute pouty lips and smooth, tan skin.

“Oh. Huh.” Ryan shrugged and scratched his stubble. “She seems nice, I guess.”

“What the flying hells do you want? A holostar? I can’t even get you to find all the places on your own face when you shave. Tarla gets a 90% hygene rating. May I remind you that you clock in at 71%? You have no place to be picky. Besides, she’s wonderful.”

“I don’t know. I suppose she’s okay. She’s got very shiny hair.’

“Your damn right she does. That’s natural too. She makes more money that you do, and her System is quite comprehensive.”

“You’re not matching me up with a woman based on her System, are you?”

“No, but it is a nice System.”

Ryan tapped his foot. “I think you’re in love with her System.”

“I matched you up on all the personality traits and despite the fact that your civilized scores are far from perfect, she is willing to meet you.”

Ryan’s eyes were wide. “You talked to her?”

“I communicated with her System.” Ryan’s System sighed musically. “Wonderful, dynamic System. Her System predicts a 96% chance she would like to meet someone like you.”

Swallowing hard, Ryan put a hand on the sphere. “You really think she’ll like me?”

“Oh yeah. Her father was a neurotic gamer with delusions of grandeur and a heart of gold. She’ll love you. Especially if you cook her that rice noodle dish you eat every day.”

“That stuff is good! Don’t make fun! You don’t have taste buds.”

“No. But I do have taste.”

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