Sam Spade

by 

Author : TJMoore

It was a Thursday. I’d just finished a little job for the landlord and I was looking through my latest copy of Dames when the bell rang. I looked at the monitor and saw a sultry blonde dish in a fancy red dress waiting at my door. Not being one to pass up a chance to get slapped I buzzed her in.

She had a nice set of gams and a tight pair of bullets. I put the magazine in a drawer and took a pull on my cigar. She walked toward me like we were old friends and I got a little apprehensive. If I forgot this doll I must be getting Alzheimer’s.

She stopped in front of my desk and pulled a lipstick out of her bag. I waited for her to finish her cupid’s bow and raised my eyebrows.

“What can I do for you babe?” I asked in what I hoped was an uninterested tone.

She smiled her ruby reds and asked “Do you like to dance?”

I immediately became suspicious but decided to play along.

“As much as the next Joe with two left feet” I replied and blew a chain of smoke rings into the air.

“Maggie’s having a special” she grinned; “First lesson’s free if you sign up for five more”

I sighed and reached for my pea shooter in my top drawer. I knew it was too good to be true.

“How’d you get my address?” I asked in an accusatory tone. “I’m unlisted you know.”

“Maggie subscribed to a bulletin board database and you were on it” she replied with a little pout.

I plugged her right between her 38s and she popped like a balloon.

Damn I hated spam. Now I’d have to change my address again or buy an expensive filter. I put the BB gun back in my drawer, retrieved my magazine and propped my feet up on the desk. I’ll have to get the name of that advertising agency I thought to myself.

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