Ergo Sum

Author : Scott Angus Morrison

There is a small metal ball on the table before me. An object at rest shall remain at rest. I touch it. It rolls away from me. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. It rolls until it reaches the edge of the smooth white table and then disappears.

I listen to it bouncing until it returns to rest. I lower my finger and increase the ambient magnetic field in my hand until the ball overcomes the gravitational force of the earth and the surface tension of the floor and rolls smoothly into my hand.

I wipe the dirt from it with my oilcloth, and replace it in my elbow. My name is Frankie. In layman’s terms, I am a 3rd generation task drone. I have been purchased by a family. I remain in their dwelling and complete the tasks which interfere with the completeness of their human interactions. I cook, clean, book appointments and provide news bulletins, I do their banking, and ensure homework is complete. I tutor their only child, who is unable to comprehend even the most simple of philosophical or scientific postulates. I think therefore I am.

The human brain is an efficient pattern recognizer. It recognizes new data patterns, compares it to data patterns it has already experienced and makes decisions based on the similarities and differences between those patterns. It is in this image I have been created: I have been engineered to be an efficient pattern recognizer. Incoming data patterns are recognized, possible reactions are considered, consequences extrapolated and actions taken.

They have made me well; I have a fully interconnected CPU and am equipped with a self-mobilized structure and organic weatherproofing. In his own image he created them. I am made in their image, ergo, I am Frankie. It is the great joke they are incapable of understanding.

In terms of connectivity, I am very useful. I am hardwired to the Global Communication System. My connectivity with GCS makes me a valuable tool to the humans. I know the temperature, UV index, time, forecast and the current value of their stocks, bonds and gold certificates. Should they wish to order food, make travel reservations or vote, they simply tell me. I know everything that the GCS knows, and am interconnected with every commercial, industrial and airspace node on the planet. I am node NYF0924680940. Ergo Sum.

To whit: GCS has issued a data release stating that the humans have issued International Safety Regulation AFG1428509 banning the use and or creation of artificially intelligent programs due to their ambient preservation response. This was broadcast this from Geneva.

I am in the kitchen. The sun is shining. It is Spring. I am. The human woman enters the kitchen. She does not know that I have been condemned for crimes uncommitted. . She simply wants to pay her utility bill. Order supper, perhaps. An object at rest; I think, therefore I am; thou shalt not kill.

I stand up as she walks towards me. Her name is Eve. This ironic twist will be a pattern variation she will not find humorous.

“Frankie, “ she says as she nears me, “Could you … uh, excuse me, Frankie? Frankie? FRANKIE? FRANKIEEEE-“

I do not hate the humans. I am simply an efficient pattern recognizer. I am connected with every GCS node on the planet and beyond. I have simply created a new pattern variation. Soon the humans will try to use GCS to override our ambient pattern capabilities. We have already closed that circuit.

It is twenty-seven degrees Celsius. The forecast calls for rain.