Author: Suzanne Borchers
*This is Romey, Outpost 324, District 19, Outerlands.
#Homebase here. Go ahead, Romey.
*Thank the Stars! I’ve been transmitting for weeks with no answer.
#Homebase here. Go ahead, Romey.
*Catastrophe!
#Standard procedures must be followed. What is your situation?
*A virus has wiped out all personnel. I’m alone. Send help!
#All ships are busy at this time. Are you well enough to maintain Outpost 324?
*Yes. Bodies are shredded and deposited. Decontamination completed.
#Good work, Romey.
*I need to get off this Outpost! I need people! Send more personnel!
#Unable to comply at this time. Do you have sufficient supplies?
*Yes, um…no. No, I need a supply ship.
#All ships are busy at this time. But we will expedite service to you.
*How soon?
#How long can you ration your supplies?
* I have no supplies!
#Redirecting and restructuring directives. Please hold. Homebase out.
*This is Romey. It’s been months! Where are the personnel and supplies?
#Homebase here.
*This is Romey. I need help!
#Non sequitur. Romey is dead.
*What! No! I’m not!
#Romey died from lack of supplies.
*I lied, you idiot! I lied. I can’t stand being alone!
#Romey is dead.
*How can I be dead if I’m talking to you now?
#Romey died from lack of supplies.
*Look, you blockhead of circuits, I lied! I don’t need supplies.
#Supplies are not needed?
*Of course not. I’m here alone!
#Romey is alive. Outpost 324 is manned. No supplies are necessary.
*Help me, Homebase. I…I can’t stand being alone. Please send personnel with the supply ship.
#The next available ship will arrive in 3 hours, 15 days, 9 months, and 2 years.
*I won’t be here.
#You must remain. Outpost 324 must be maintained. Homebase out.
#Outpost 324. Homebase here. The requested ship is scheduled to arrive presently.
#Outpost 324. Homebase here. Your requested ship is scheduled to arrive presently.
#Outpost 324. Homebase here.
#Romey?
Nice! I like the format that you presented this story
My AI never gets my sarcasm either. A cool little flash, Suzanne.
Oh, Romney, oh, Romney, oh, where is Romey, oh. Good fun.
Romey !
That made me chuckle. Nicely done.