Author: Ann Tandy
Good morning, and welcome! You may be feeling a little disoriented: this is the natural result (and, indeed, intent!) of the stimulating effects of the musk exuded by the Great Beast. Your appendages may feel a bit stiff, but they will grow strong and agile once more, never fear!
You may be confused (and perhaps alarmed) by some crunching noises around you. There is no need for concern and, in fact, great cause for celebration! The fact that you are awake and hearing crunching noises, rather than experiencing the crunching, means that you are one of the fortunate Chosen Few set aside by the Great Beast for later glories. Congratulations!
Please use this time to take stock of any changes you notice in your exterior form: extra/fewer limbs, nodes, fur patches, sensory organs, teeth, claws, openings, etc. Please note all changes on the form provided in this packet; a little effort on your part now will make your processing more efficient, and will have the added benefit of distracting you from the crunching and (no doubt by now) screaming.
Soon the Great Beast will have satiated its centuries-long-denied appetites on your less-worthy compatriots and retreated to its lair, at which point it will be safe to come collect you. We are excited to have you join our team, and look forward to working with you!
Onboarding with bite! Good one.
That made me chuckle.