Author: Alastair Millar

“C’mon, Jack, the fans will just eat this up! You know they will”
“That’s kind of the issue, Morty.”
“It’s totally ethical, don’t worry about it.”
“But is it tasteful? There’s going to be people that hate it.”
“Then they can choke on it! This is the future. I’ve wrangled you the chance to be in at the very start of something really big. Don’t blow it.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It is! All you gotta do is spend a morning at a lab while a couple of whitecoats take some tissue samples, and then an afternoon doing what you do best – looking your wonderful, masculine self while shooting some promo pics and maybe a short vid for the advertising guys. After that we just sit back, they do their magic, and in a couple of months the money starts to roll in. Simple!”
“Morty, I’m an actor, and frankly I don’t know if this is where I want my image to go. What’ll it do to my career?”
“Are you kiddin’ me? The focus groups went totally rabid when we suggested it! Every girl and her dog wants a piece of you, Jacky boy, and this is how we give it to them. Nobody, but nobody, in the business will have a connection like this to their audiences.”
“You think?”
“Your face will be in every supermarket in the country. The publicity is going to be epic, AND you’ll be getting paid for it! Think of the tie-up opportunities – all the big studios will be gagging to get you onboard!”
“It’s a little hard to swallow, all at once.”
“Look, I know it seems like a lot. But you’re going to be a trailblazer, even if other people copy the idea later. Prime product, commanding prime prices, which means prime commission baby! And it will make you a lot of friends among the climate warriors and eco-libs.”
“It seems so, so, invasive somehow.”
“It isn’t. It’s not you we’re talking about, it’s a facsimile, just like your image on the holo’s. No difference. Listen, everyone with a brain understands that cultured meat is the coming thing; the way the world’s population is going, traditional agriculture’s unsustainable, and for whatever reason not enough people are going veggie or vegan.”
“Yeah, but…”
“No buts! All we’re doing is kickstarting the trend by making it out of your cells instead of a cow’s! And long pig is the best and healthiest meat there is! Everybody wins!”
“But why me?”
“Hey, you’re a rising Hollywood star! Why NOT you? But I’ll level with you; I met MakeMeCorp’s marketing guy at a cocktail party a couple of weeks back, and the fact is, his teenage daughter’s had a helluva crush on you since she saw ‘Baker Street Butchers’ last year. So he’s going to earn serious cred with his little princess if he can get you onboard. Like they say, in this town, it’s who you know that counts, and this gives you a major in.”
“Morty, you’re my agent, and you’ve always been good to me. But tell me the truth: is this really such a huge deal?”
“Jack, I am so sure that this is going to be absolutely legendary that I’m even willing to cut a percent off my usual commission. And I’ve never done that for anything for any of my boys and girls before.”
“For real?”
“For real. You’ll go down in the history books. To hell with ‘eat the rich’, we’re going to pioneer ‘eat the famous’! Chow down, mister!”