Author: David Barber
Inhabitants of Earth, (read a translation of the first signal from the stars)
Our clients wish to bring to your attention a copyright infringement with regards to your use of replicator molecules. As the dominant species on your world, we hereby inform you to cease and desist using DNA except under licence from our clients (see attachment) or we shall be forced to take steps.
To Whom It May Concern, (extract from reply beamed towards original radio source in Orion)
This is outrageous! DNA is the product of evolution (or God— opinion on our world is divided) and surely cannot be copyrighted. Besides, our planet has been using DNA for over 3 billion years and no one mentioned this before…
Earthlings,
Our clients wish us to point out that ignorance of the law is no excuse.
Your radio broadcasts blatantly boast your unlicensed use of DNA. We cite in particular the recently received Arecibo message which even advertised a diagram of your DNA.
To Whom It May Concern,
We see from your licencing agreement (section 18, para 91) that it does not apply to RNA. Our scientists assume this is because this molecule is too unstable to make a good replicator. On our world RNA is used in close conjunction with DNA as part of the living process…
To Earth,
You are correct that that RNA does not fall under Galactic copyright agreements for the reasons your “scientists” state. However this in no way invalidates our client’s complaint, as proved in previous lawsuits. (See attached case law examples)
To Whom, etc
Tell your clients that their so-called licensing fees are no more than an excuse for asset stripping! What is this deep-core mining and mass protein extraction?
To Earth,
My clients acknowledge you have not invented the ansible and are therefore forced to use light speed communications, however they believe you are deliberately dragging your appendages in this matter and they are becoming weary of these delaying tactics. Since you continue to infringe our client’s DNA copyright, they instruct us to hand the matter over to the Sirian Enforcement Fleet.
To Whom,
Our world has a multitude of RNA viruses, many of which use us as hosts (we cite polio, measles and Ebola as examples). We cannot believe your legal system would allow your clients to exterminate an entirely innocent domain of life over a copyright issue. Since you act as their agents, surely this would be tantamount to misconduct on your part.
Earth,
We have forwarded the details of your case to the Orion Arm Appeals Tribunal and informed
our clients that we cannot proceed until the Tribunal has come to a decision. However, they have instructed us to warn you this legal quibble works both ways and if you are discovered attempting to eradicate RNA organisms meanwhile, this will certainly harm your appeal.
From The Orion Arm Appeals Tribunal,
We have accepted jurisdiction over your case, but regret to inform you there is an appeals backlog. The current delay is about one galactic rotation or approximately two hundred and fifty thousand orbits of your world…