The Quiegmans Take a Holiday

Author : Roi R. Czechvala, Staff Writer

The massive ship hung motionless over the city, menacing in its silence. Below in the preternatural darkness the frightened population cowered in their homes, their offices, their automobiles. One thing was certain… death was imminent.

Not a sound came from the ship as it slowly rotated above them. Had it not been for the fact that it was only slightly smaller than Rhode Island, it wouldn’t have been noticed at all.

It hung above the terrified metropolis like a restless turd, watching, plotting, seemingly readying itself to unleash a fiery Hell upon the peaceful citizens.

As the minutes flowed into hours, slowly, one by one and in small groups the terrified people emerged from their places of refuge and stared unblinking into the twilit sky. They regarded the craft with unabashed awe, almost with reverence, definitely with fear.

Hushed whispers began to emanate from this crush of humanity as they clung together trying to make sense of this singular event.

“Where did it come from?”

“What do they want?”

“Do you think they’re friendly?”

“I have to pee.”

But the strange craft ignored their inquiries, that is if they were heard at all. It continued to hover patiently above the city as seemed to be its wont.

Soon, under the command of the governor, the national guard arrived bristling with weaponry. Legions of tanks formed, and lines of artillery were aimed to the sky. The mightiest army the world had ever seen converged upon this spot below the object, but the ship didn’t seem to mind.

Calls went out across the land and around the globe. Enemies of centuries put aside their differences and worked together as one. Cats and dogs walked side by side. Soon the military might of a unified Earth formed, prepared to do battle with this otherworldly foe.

A famous general spoke to the masses. His voice carried on every television and radio.

“Though we face our darkest hour, let it not be said that we went willingly into that cold dark night, for here we stand, here we fight.”

With weapons pointed for devastation and minds turned inward to faith, all of mankind waited, as if in mutual embrace.

Suddenly the air was rent by a powerful sound, that shattered the windows, and caused the buildings to quake. It was a sound to make children shiver and grown men shake.

As quickly as it started, silence returned. Then a voice was heard from up in the air. It started out low, then started to grow. In unaccented English clearly was heard;

All right already, quit your bitching. One damn mistake and your crawling up my ass. Give it a rest woman. Damn it. Uh…hey… um excuse me? Um… the missus and I were on our way for a little outing in the Horse Head Nebula, and well…he he… and well, it seems we have got ourselves turned around a bit…shut up woman I‘m asking… so if you could just point us in the right direction…”

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