Author: Michelle Wilson

It wasn’t their fault. My parents were good and kind, with the best intentions; their only “flaws” were an inability to conceive and the wish for a family of their own. When the technology came, and they saw the digital models of how I would appear (an uncanny visual likeness of them both), who could blame them for jumping at the chance?

Their only condition was forgoing the ‘passive’ designer-gene route offered, the elimination of what the latest science considered unsavory human traits; they wanted a child with all the idiosyncrasies and surprises that came with being closer to human. If I couldn’t be an exact replica of them both, alternatively, they wanted the closest thing to real.

Friends warned them. What if it grows up to be a criminal, a serial murderer?

They were adamant. You couldn’t eliminate one possibility without nixing all the rest. Every roll of the dice carried its own beautiful risks. Anyway, criminality was a result of bad parenting; they would provide a loving home.

Born through a surrogate, I arrived healthy and by all appearances a near union of them both. A rambunctious child, I kept them on their toes, delighting them, as I grew, with reflections of their own quirks, talents, and mannerisms. Though at times, my temper tantrums taxed them, my uniquely stubborn streak exasperated, they stood by their decision to embrace all of me—the good and bad. They had no regrets.

Not even when the bullying in grade school began, the name calling and shunning.

“She’s different,” my teachers would say. “Her circumstances are unusual.”

Undeterred, my parents remained focused in their goal to provide a loving home. They doubled their hugs, emphasized my talents, and schooled me themselves, shielding me from harm while giving me an education that far surpassed the public school system.

Yet the more I understood how different I was, the more my tantrums grew. Determined as they were, when therapists suggested that I may, indeed, have a triggered predisposition for deviance, rather than be derailed by disappointment, my parents loved me more.

Others insisted I should be grateful for their endless patience. For my parents remained tolerant, forgiving, and kind, never shouting back, never raising their voices. But the therapists’ diagnosis only deepened my feelings of inadequacy, and my parents’ refusal to fight back fanned my fury. I wanted them to react, to feel my pain. Alone in my suffering, I wanted them to be more like me. But they always insisted on being the opposite: reasonable, stable, and supportive. Their cheerful, loving natures full of hope never diminished. Their kind, patient faces never broke down nor cried.

Most maddening of all, when, in frustration and anger, I threw my human body against theirs, my parents’ perfectly wired bodies, warm and electric, never bled.