Author: Kip Pratt

Dear Supreme Being,
Thank you for the commission. And now, the results…

On the planet Earth, in one of your cleverer little galaxies, the bugs are all deceased. Take the car out at dusk, and the windscreen returns squeaky clean. No squashed bodies.
Diversity. That’s what they are arresting, down on that sad little planet (no offence… it was anything but sad when you magicked it up). How did we discover this? Well, let’s just say that we have an interest in little things.
It clearly concerns you, that Earth is limping along so tragically. In your grand scheme, Earth is a mere speck, and yet, could its bug deficit be a barometer of your wider waning influence? This was your anxiety, hence our little arrangement.
Our methodology? Upscaling. I give you… The Bus. Apologies; it’s a silly comic reference. Suffice to say that, in the bustle of an Earth day, a bus sports a formidable (and disturbingly clean) windscreen. Our bus, The Bus, is a hyper-drive vessel, just three point two light years wide. I invite you to picture her windscreen; a square parsec of concave plexigraphenectoplasm.
Ruminate on this transparency, Oh Great One. What do you foresee?
Let me illuminate…
We gave the pilot his orders; to fly The Bus across a smallish spiral galaxy. On his return he was grumbling about impaired visibility. Impaired visibility? My spirits rose; data. The pilot described it to us thus…

‘My colleague the science officer, looking back from whence we had come down the empty, black corridor of space, declared the experiment a resounding success.’

The science officer was not wrong. The Bus had cut its path, just a single parsec square, striking twenty-five thousand heavenly bodies, each and every one squashed, splattered, smeared, blacked out.
Well, good, frankly. Excellent even! I am delighted to be able to share my optimism about the future of your cosmos, and, I’m sure you’ll agree, given the tiny statistical sample, no serious harm done.

Is Earth a barometer of cosmic decay? Such was your question. The answer? No. Its dearth is simply a product of atmospheric tomfoolery. In the bigger picture our dirty windscreen provides evidence of your diverse and expanding works.
In short, all is well in the universe.
We thank you for your commission.
Our invoice is attached.