We All Get Tired Sometimes
Author: Julian Miles, Staff Writer
The door opens slowly. Lawgiver James comes in, helmet in hand. He’s got a look on his face that tells Maddy everything she doesn’t want to know.
“They found him, didn’t they?”
James nods.
“He’s dead, isn’t he?”
Deputy Evans nods as he follows James in.
“Yes, ma’am.”
She looks at them.
“There’s something else, isn’t there?”
James steps forward to put a battered datapad on the counter. She recognises the tattered charm hanging from it: she and Tanya spent a summer afternoon making it, three years gone.
James points to it.
“He left you a message. Report that accompanied this said someone listened to it, as it could have contained evidence.”
“You listen too?”
Evans shakes his head and points to James.
“He wouldn’t let me.”
She nods her thanks to James. He points to the datapad.
“That’s yours. Sorry we couldn’t return more. We’ll leave you, now. Our condolences for your loss.”
The two Lawgivers don their helmets and take their leave. James pauses to turn the sign on the door to ‘Closed’ before exiting.
Maddy looks at the datapad, then at the clock. Surely there’s enough time before Tanya comes in from school. She needs to listen first, to see if they can listen to it together, or whether it’s something for Tanya to hear eventually. She reaches out and taps the screen. It lights up with a single icon –
‘For Maddy’.
Taking a deep breath, she taps it. Brion’s voice is clear, like he’s standing there. ‘He sounds tired’ is her last cohesive thought for a while.
“Hi there, Derry girl. Sorry for this, but I had to give you something. You never kept anything from me. By now, you’ve guessed I had secrets. All I can do is ask you to forgive me, one day. I trust you to tell Tanya what she needs to know.
“Before we met, I was what you joked about that first time. You the poor girl who found her home among the stars, a long way from North Eire. What a contrast: me a street kid who only made it off Portena by being willing to do what others wouldn’t. You said I looked like some interstellar assassin off some cheap AV show, then laughed when I blushed. I should have done what half of me wanted to do right then: run. Instead I went with the other half: I stayed.
“Yes, there was someone on Chanton I was sent to kill. No, I didn’t. Once I met you, it all changed. But running a store was hard. I’d gotten used to living high. The change brought my childhood back. I admit, I got tired of it; nearly gave up several times. Then we had Tanya. We went from having nothing much to having one thing that mattered above all… But it was still difficult, and even more tiring. Every day I watched hard choices grind you down. Even when things picked up, your expression played on my mind. Every little frustration got magnified. I couldn’t see we were actually happy. I was headed for ruining everything through worrying over nothing.”
He sniffs.
“Then I recognised a pair of ex-colleagues at the spaceport. Might as well have been a sign. The tiredness lifted. I took the next ship out.”
He clears his throat.
“You don’t need to know anything of who I was before we met. That was a different person. All you need to know is I love you both more than life itself. Kiss Tanya for me. I’m sorry, Maddy. Goodbye.”

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