Caveat Emptor
Author : Patricia Stewart, Staff Writer
Viisas signaled the plaintiff that it was ready to receive its opening statement.
“Your Honor,” transmitted Rotalutsop, “Reus sold me a planet that is completely unusable, and I want a full refund.”
Viisas processed the opening statement for several microseconds. “I should remind you, Mt. Rotalutsop, that case law is explicit in matters dealing with property transactions. You cannot revoke an offer of contract, even if the celestial object is unfit for ordinary purposes.”
“But, Your Honor,” pleaded Rotalutsop, “Reus actively concealed latent defects in the planet. That makes it fraud. Therefore, by statutory law, I’m entitled to a full refund, in addition to compensatory damages.”
“Did you receive a Real Estate Sales Disclosure Statement at settlement in compliance with the Seller Disclosure Act of 565.951?”
“Yes, Your Honor, and I’ve scanned it a hundred times. There is no mention that the planet was infested with parasites.”
“Is the Plaintiff’s accusation true, Mt. Reus?”
“Of course not,” replied the defendant. “Rotalutsop is exaggerating. I would hardly consider eight billion humans an ‘infestation’. And besides, Your Honor, whether or not humans are technically ‘parasites’ is still under debate.”
“Not in my universe, Mt. Reus. I order you to transfer the full selling price, plus thirty percent, to the Plaintiff’s account before ninty standard free neutron decays. You’re lucky that I don’t have the authorization to deactivate you for this kind of uncivilized behavior. Next case.”
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