Author : N. Thomas Parshall

Intro to Quantum Mechanics was the hardest class that I took during my junior year. String theory, field theory, and the Planck constant battered against the walls of my mind, and I was grasping none of it.

Weeks, than months passed and my grade continued to fall to the point where I was considering dropping the class. I had finally worked up the nerve to approach the professor when we had a guest lecturer that changed my mind and my life.

He called himself Dr. Charles Dodgson. From the chuckles, only two of my classmates got the reference. Dodgson shot the three of us a secretive little smile.

“What I’m here to talk about today is the mistaken belief of many of my colleagues in the wave function collapse of the Heisenberg Uncertainty. Now, now Professor. You know as well as I that the Multi Worlds Interpretation only gives the illusion of collapse in a single framework of observation.”

“But, what if, what if a mind could be trained to see past that illusion and follow all of the different wave paths? The observer always affects the observed. So I ask the question. Wouldn’t such a mind eventually be able to affect and interact with the observed wave paths?”

See, this is the part where everybody starts calling me a liar. I swear it’s true.

He turned and walked to the edge of the stage while standing still. He didn’t split in two like in the movies, or blur and morph. It’s just; one instant there was one and the next, two. They both grinned out at us.

Before we could call illusion, they both walked up to the professor and picked him up from either side. Putting the wild eyed man down, they continued to lecture in a bizarre stereo.

“What you have just seen is my interaction with a single alternate wave function, pulling another me from a different MWI. But, each action that each of us takes has trillions upon trillions of wave functions.” And they both turned and walked a few paces while standing still. “But they are all equally valid, and a trained mind can interact with them all. You may not believe me, but while I am here talking to you, I am also talking to classes in other cities, working as an auto mechanic, writing my third novel, and robbing a bank.”

He smiled his secretive little smile at us again.

“Actually, that last is happening in the quantum that you all perceive. And I’m sure all of you will shortly be questioned by the authorities, probably multiple times.” Three of him winked at us, turned and were gone. “All I can say is tell them the truth.

“On the quantum level, I’m not really here.”

And he turned and was gone.

The police came and asked their questions. They left unhappy with the answers, but the video of the lecture backed up all of our stories.

I did see Dr. Dodgson again. After my second interview with the police he came to me and offered me a position as his pupil.

I realize this makes me an accessory after the fact, but you see, officer, like Dr. Dodgson:

I’m not really here.