Author : Patrick Kennedy

“Mom, there’s something in the front yard!”

“What is it, Billy?”

“A robot, Mom! What’s a robot doing in our yard?”

“I don’t know, Billy. It must have gotten past the fence somehow.”

“But I thought the fence was supposed to keep them out!”

“It is, Billy. So let’s go see what it’s doing here.”

Janice looked at the robot through the peephole in the front door. It was an old one, rusted and breaking down. It must have wandered straight through the spam-filter without even registering. She sighed and opened the door.

“Hello!” said the robot. “Your house looks like it hasn’t had a weatherproofing in some time! Without a regular application of our patented and trademarked Weather-Stop product, your home is exposed to the elements, which can cause damage and reduce its value. I’m here today to tell you how we can do a demonstration application which will be good for thirty days at no cost!”

Janice pointed her shotgun at the robot and said, “you’re in violation of the neighborhood’s no solicitation policy, and you’ve bypassed our household spam filter. You will give me your employer’s contact information and then leave immediately.”

“My apologies. I just wanted to share with you this incredible opportunity. May I just offer you this brochure?” As it spoke, the robot’s third arm came around from behind its back, a small pistol in its hand. “I think you’ll find this offer quite compelling.”

Janice fired first. The shotgun took the arm off at the shoulder and damaged the robot’s head. It fell to the ground in shock. Janice planted a small thermite burner on it’s chest and went back inside as the robot melted.

Damned sales-bots. Getting pushier every day. Time to get a new spam filter and upgrade the fence again.