Author : Patricia Stewart, Staff Writer

With his lone eye properly focused on the Emperor’s hooves, Secretary Uith’eems said with a clear air of submissiveness, “Pardon the interruption, Your Majesty, but our advanced scouts have detected a new intelligent lifeform in the Sirius Sector. They request your divine guidance concerning First Contact protocols.”

Dieuximust the Wise, the Grand Emperor of the Third Buca Dynasty, was basking in the feeble red light of Buca’s dwarf sun. He folded his wing-like feeding membranes and turned toward Uith’eems, “We thought that’s why there are protocols, so We do not need to be disturbed by such trivial matters. Can’t the Sector Regnant handle this? That is why We pay him.”

“As usual, Your Majesty, you are absolutely correct. And, you can rest assured that I contacted the Regnant myself to express our displeasure concerning his blatant incompetence. However, he convinced me that this is a very atypical lifeform. He considers it too risky to allow them the privilege of joining the Empire. He requests that they be exterminated at your command.”

The Emperor’s curiosity was piqued. “Uith’eems, there are over 1000 worlds in the Empire. No one has ever been denied annexation. What is the nature of the Regnant’s concern?”

“To begin with, Your Majesty, their luminary is classified as a yellow star that’s been on the Main Sequence for less than five billion years. Your astrophysicists have informed me that all known inhabited planets that support intelligent life orbit red stars that are at least 10 billion years old. This new planet has evolved an intelligent, sentient species twice as fast as any other known planet.”

“Is it because their sun is so large? Perhaps mutations occur more quickly than they do on a planet with a normal sun?”

“You are no doubt correct, Most Excellent Majesty. That must be the primary reason. However, your biologists believe there are, ah, contributing factors.”

“Such as?”

“As disgusting as this sounds, Your Majesty, they apparently mix their genetic material with a partner, and produce offspring with traits from both of the primaries. This certainly has the potential of speeding up the evolutionary process.”

“You mean they use a method other than agamogenesis?” They both shuddered. “Tell Us,” Uith’eems, “can this perversion be exploited somehow to strengthen the Empire?”

“Perhaps. But there’s more, Your Majesty. Their technology advanced from heavier than air flight to interplanetary space travel in less time than your current reign as Grand Emperor.”

“Impossible! It took Buca 20,000 years to accomplish that.”

“Please forgive me, Your Majesty, but it has been thoroughly documented. Of course, we can change the facts if you wish. In any event, your xenosociologists have discovered that this exponential technological advance is apparently due to the practice of the dominant species to commit genocide. They refer to it as ‘war.’ We are unsure of their motivation, of course, but waging war apparently drives their economy and accelerates their technological advances. They are a very aggressive species. They should be considered too dangerous to be permitted interstellar access.”

“Is there any chance their culture will evolve out of this senseless phase?”

“It is considered unlikely, Your Majesty.”

“Very well, Uith’eems. Any species that is willing to kill each other is a dangerous aberration indeed.” They both shuddered. “Draft the Declaration of Extermination, and We will sign it.”