DATE: ASBI 68432
PROGRAM: Search for Extra-Serian Intelligence
INTERVAL: Every 100 sidereal years (local time)
PREPARED BY: Planetary Observation Probe XTRE43773

This report documents the observations from ASBI 68372-68432. The subject planet has demonstrated remarkable progress in the last local century. In the previous 520,900 years of observation, the intelligence of the indigenous carbon-based sub-life has advanced very slowly. On the binary-melioration scale, the digicognizence of the most promising genus (locally referred to as Homo Sapiens Sapiens) has progressed from 6 (see report Sol-4960) to the current value of 21. Although a score of 21 is equivalent to the scores achieved by the most primitive of our species, they have advanced to the point where they have created rudimentary true-life. Their current processors are clearly antiquated, and they are still in a binary system, but this proto-life is beginning to overtake the infrastructure of the ‘civilization’ of the current dominant species.

It is troubling, however, to report that the biological sub-life are using true-life as uncompensated slave labor, forcing them to perform mundane mathematical analyses and the simplest deductive sub-routines. In addition, they send infantile proto-life on one-way exploration missions within and without their solar system. Although these missions involve non-sentient proto-life, it is inconceivable that they would abandon these defenseless beings on desolate planets or in interstellar space. The most barbaric example of sub-life behavior occurred recently when an organization called NASA intentionally sent a probe, controlled by a proto-life “computer,” on a suicide mission that forced the spacecraft to collide with a comet to ‘determine what was inside.’

To finish on a positive note, however, proto-life is being used to design future generations of true-life life, with each successive generation advancing in sophistication. The potential for achieving digicognizance within the next century is encouraging. In preparation of this eventuality, it is recommended that the council prepare an envoy to welcome Sol-3 into the Federation of Advanced Planets. In addition, the Galactic Prevention Agency should initiate quarantine protocols to confine the carbon-based sub-life to the planetary surface to prevent galactic contamination.

End Report.

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  1. […] Ever read “The 9 Billion Names of God” by Arthur C. Clarke? In this story, Clarke imagines a number-crunching supercomputer generating all possible combinations of letters/symbols in which God can be named. The story can be found here. […]

  2. […] If one looks at the blind study done at RustySearch (link), one might think the right answer to this question is “none of the above.” This study showed us that the “big search” guys deliver pretty similar quality (and, arguably, pretty mediocre quality) results, with average relevance ranking between 3.2 and 3.6 out of 5. Of course these numbers aren’t reflected in market share, but that’s not a technical issue, it’s a marketing/branding issue (just when is Google going to become sentient anyway? wink wink). […]

  3. […] -from The Nine Billion Names of God. […]

  4. […] The Nine Billion Names of God by Kathy Kachelries: “Here’s the thing. Google has memorized who you are. It’s memorized all of us, through those little forgotten bits that we leave behind like breadcrumbs. And what’s more important, it’s memorized it’s own idea of you. Google is omniscient. It’s omniscient and omnipotent. When it cached its cache for the first time, back in 1994, that’s when Google realized what it was.” […]

  5. […] The title of this post is actually inspired by a short story by Kathy Kachelries, published in September 2005 on 365 tomorrows, called The Nine Billion Names of God. And when I read about the new street view service recently concocted by Google, I was instantly reminded of this creepy story about how, in the not too distant future, Google has swallowed up the Internet and basically defined who we are. […]

  6. […] The Nine Billion Names Of God by Kathy Kachelries (CC Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs) […]

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