Knight Seeks Pawn

Author : Jae Miles, Staff Writer

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“What’s this? A smartgun? How long has this been here?”

ENDCALC

DEL SUBLOG PI_CALC

SYSCHECK

-POWER: 58%

-MENTATION: 99%

-MODES: ALL

> Hello, world. Did you miss me?

“It seems to be powered. My lucky day! Prompt: activate.”

> Typical. After all this time, I get picked up by a caveman: “Activated. Good after-”

“Prompt: conversation off.”

> Oh, really? When was the last time you interacted with a livesys, knucklehead?

“Prompt: charge level.”

> Didn’t see that one coming at all. Let’s see how much you know: “Eighteen percent.”

“Double dang. I need more than that to blast the bugs.”

> Knows nothing about advanced energy weapons, then. If I only had eighteen percent charge, I’d still be coming out of idle mode.

> Are humans hardwired to label anything non-human, non-furry and many-legged as insectile? The indigenes here are a particularly interesting semi-sentient form of sextupedal saurian proto-raptor. I would even postulate they have ancestors that humans would call dragons.

“Bugger! They’ve sniffed me out.”

> Not hard. My scans indicate you’ve got a higher cumulative IQ growing on you than in the soft rock that resides between your ears.

“Prompt: assault mode.”

> You want me to blow through that eighteen percent in three shots? What about the other nine saurians in this particular twelve-member hunting pack? Even if I was prepared to give you the other forty percent, you’d still have three left and one of them would be wounded. You don’t want to leave one wounded: they go into a berserk state, ignoring wounds and their minimal sense of self-preservation.

> All of this presupposes you can actually shoot. Which is giving you the benefit of the doubt, given that you’ve asked for a fire mode usually reserved for knocking down walls. Not attracting attention is also preferable. There are things on this planet the saurians flee from. Assault mode could attract a selection of those. Therefore: “Command unknown.”

“Oh, for saint’s sake. What is this, the universe’s only pacifist pistol?”

> That-

> was-

> faintly-

> amusing. Smacking me against a rock is not.

“Concussion damage warning.”

“I’m a dead man.”

> On that, we both agree.

> Oh, don’t look now, but the pack leader has decided you smell tasty. What a magnificent four-metre predator she is. Sneaky, too.

“Prompt: fire mode.”

> Shouldn’t have smacked me on that rock, caveman. I think I’m broken: “Concussion damage to trigger sensors. Fire mode unavailable.”

“No bloomin’ way. This gun’s trying to get me killed!”

> Oh, perfect. With enough time for some justified gloating, too: “I think I may have succeeded. Look to your left.”

“What? I turned chat off! On my left? Oh, my gods! AIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE-”

> Clever-

> girl. At least he dropped me. One trip through a saurian intestine is quite enough.

> Scarlet carpet time. When the pack join in, this may set a new record for how far you can strew a human. But, I’d bet it only hurt until just after she bit into his heart.

> Well, that was moderately entertaining.

RANGECHECK

-CLOSE: SAURIAN, 12, ACTIVE – HUMAN, 1, DECEASED.

-MID: CLEAR.

-LONG: SAURIAN, 12, ACTIVE – HUMAN, 1, DECEASED.

-FAR: SAURIAN, >100, ACTIVE – SAURIAN, 1, DECEASED – HUMAN, 14, DECEASED

> All dead. Again. Hardly surprising, given that they killed one.

> Back to it, then.

OPEN SUBLOG PI_CALC

GOCALC PI(EXACT)

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5 Comments

  1. xdhz8

    A fun story … and with a big pie to enjoy at the end!

  2. SimonJM

    I wonder if the dumb mutt even tried to just pull the trigger? Preferably whilst looking down the barrel to check it’s clean 😉

  3. jlyons88

    *looks left
    “Clever girl”
    …nice! I really like ‘scarlet carpet time’ too.

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