Author : Charles Musser
Welcome to Nanotron Technologies! Â®
You have launched our Mental Acuity Accelerator (MAA).
Your brain is now functioning more than two million times faster than normal. These words are scrolling across your line of vision, courtesy of thousands of nanobots implanted in your brain. Do not panic!
All movement will appear to have ceased. This is normal. Your heart and breathing seems to have stopped. You cannot move your body. This is nothing to worry about. They are side-effects of brain acceleration.
We are analyzing…wait…wait…
You are on your back, looking up. A steel rod, 1/2 inch in diameter and eight feet long is moving at 75 meters per second toward your left eye. Do not panic! This rod will pierce your pupil, enter your brain and obliterate all higher functions in your left hemisphere within .01 seconds, real-time.
Nanotron recommends using our Muscle Reflex Accelerator (MRA), at your earliest convenience, to move out of danger. If you wish to use MRA, please think “yes,” now.
We are sorry. You must first disengage MAA before engaging MRA. If you wish to disengage MAA, think “yes,” now.
“Fuck” is not recognized.
We are sorry. The Nanobot Unit you purchased does not allow the MAA to disengage early. Our Nanobot Unit “Platinum” includes this feature. You must wait until MAA expires. MAA will expire in .02 seconds, real-time. Your corresponding RET (Relative Experienced Time) will be 24 years, 3 months, 13 days, 4 hours, and 36.478 seconds.
While you wait for MAA to disengage, we will play a selection of tunes from the Broadway musical, Brigadoon. You can purchase this CD online at www.ritemart.music-cds.com
Thank you for using Nanotron TechnologiesÂ®, a Subdivision of Rite-Mart International.