Author : Neil Floyd
We don’t like to use that word. It sounds negative, don’t you think? The whole procedure is much safer now. Please, try the caviar. It’s real. No, I insist.
Our motto explains it all: “Freedom From Form.” Nobody uses their brain’s full processing power. There’s a way to harness the wasted energy for someone else to use. It’s true. I swear. I won’t bore you with the science. There’s a reason we keep the engineers in their cages when the clients come around. I’m joking. Joking!
Our most popular procedure plugs into the frontal lobe. That’s the decision-making part of the brain. Just yesterday I had a client come in who was working on the new Indo-Pacific webline. Stressful job. He was looking for an extra bump. The tiniest edge makes a huge difference.
Again, I’d prefer if you didn’t use that word. Everyone’s doing it now. How do you think the case-boys stay so sharp on the webline? How do you think the drone sailors read the curves so quickly? They’re clients. Can’t stay competitive unless they buy space. Your space. Their success isn’t desultory. And that’s where–what? Oh. It means random.
As I was saying, that’s where you come in. There are people in my portfolio who need your neurons. Not even your important ones. Just the spares. You’re living in a three bedroom when all you need is a studio.
But it’s not as intrusive as everyone says. Please, don’t use that word. We at the company have been working very hard to educate the public about our wide range of solutions. Our whole pipeline is automated, curated, delegated, and regulated. There’s simply no possibility for an error. Trust us.
I can give you a number before we look at any agreements. We offer plug periods ranging from 18 to 36 months. Shorter? No, I’m sorry. A plug period shorter than 18 months simply isn’t feasible from a business standpoint. Surely you understand. How’s that caviar treating you? Yes! Real as me standing here before you. We have ways.
I’m afraid it’s confidential who will be accessing your particular plug. Our clients value their privacy. Your particular situation makes you a perfect candidate for our 36-month plug period. I can offer you an attractive compensation package. Premium. Best-in-class. Just don’t tell my vice president. It’s all right if you’re having second thoughts. This is a big decision. No, I can’t leave this agreement for a week. We have plugs to fill and my vice president won’t be as patient as I am.
Don’t use that word, please. There are other visitors and they can hear you. If you don’t like the terms, take a spinner to the outer bloc and find a skinjack that might pay–damn it. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. We don’t have time for insincere plug inquiries.
Who’s next? Yes, sir. Nice to meet you. Please, try the caviar. It’s real.
Desultory does not mean random
I’m with Bill Hicks when it comes to advertisers, salesmen and marketing.
But this is a good piece.
Nice sales patter – would you buy a used neuron from this man? 😉
I love this story. It reminds me of the concept of leasing out unused bandwidth, only on a much more personal scale 😀