Author : David C. Nutt

“What do you mean you’re not an alien?”

“Just that. I am not an alien. I am a herald from another dimension- another plane of existence-“

“Not from these parts, not a human, yup, you’re an alien.”

“No. I am not an extraterrestrial, well I am but,-


“(Sigh.) OK. Look, I know you have come a long way as a race but I’m a pan dimensional being, not an extraterrestrial in the sense from another planet, as my version of Earth shares the same space-”

“Can’t. Two things can’t share the same space. It ain’t logical.”

“Before you cut me off I was going to say same space on a different level. Like levels in a building.”

“But we ain’t in a building, we’re outside.”

“Awww come on man! I’m trying to explain! OK, OK, new metaphor. The universe is like an onion. You guys are on one layer, me and mine are a couple of layers away.”

“Above or below?”

“Excuse me?”

“Where’s the layer? You above us or below us?”

“Look, it’s not like that really…it’s just a metaphor trying to describe….aw, crap. OK we’re from above you.”

“A’yuh. The layer above and not this layer so that would make you an alien.”

“(Sigh.) Right. I’m an alien. What I am-“

“A mighty fine looking alien at that.”

“Thanks. May I continue? Good. I am a herald-“

“Please to meet you Harold.”


“No need to shout. I know what a herald is.”

“Good. Glad you understand at least that much.”

“A good deal more too, scout 0569R from the third quantum fold vector.”


“A’yuh, you heard me. Know about your whole race. Know you are a bunch of pan-dimensional pirates. Arrogant little bastards too. Like thinkin’ just because we look like an agrarian society we haven’t stumbled on certain truths. Truths like in the multiverse there are loads of you pirate types dropping through your onion layers exploiting the weak and less evolved. Ever think folks like us skipped a few levels in evolution? Like, after our atomic age we had a radical development in our consciousness that unlocked near god-like powers?


“OOO! Snap! Didn’t see that one comin’ did ya? Here’s another one you didn’t see comin’ either. While I’m chewing the fat with you, our council of elders have folded space in such a way that in your dimension, no matter how hard you try, not one of you damn pirates can leave your plane again. What’s more we’ll be keeping you all on a short leash for the next thousand millennia or so, until you fix all the damage you’ve done in the rest of the multiverse.”

“But I-“

“No you didn’t. Now, shut your mouth, take a deep breath, and come on inside and have some pie with me and the missus. It’s not every day I get to bring home a real, live, alien.”