Author: Andrew Davis
Bo buried their head in their hands and screamed. Fuck Jay, fuck his beautiful hair and his pretty face, fuck him, fuck him… they still really wanted to fuck him.
Angry breakup sex was supposed to be a thing, that’s what they’d been told, but when Jay had come round to collect the last of his things – his toothbrush (why couldn’t the possessive fool just buy a new one?), his watch that was always five minutes slow, and some plates whose ownership was disputed – the two of them just got angry. One of the plates had been broken.
Bo threw themself onto the bed and shoved their head in the pillow.
“Come on, dear, it’s not the end of the world,” echoed a voice that was just the wrong side of the line between soothing and aggravating.
Bo pushed their head further into the pillow. “Shut up, Mum.”
“I can’t shut up, I’m in your head,” said Mum. “And I’m right. It’ll pass. And it’s not the end of the world.”
The room shook furiously, and there was a blinding flash of light. The photo of Jay on the bedside table fell to the floor and shattered.
The light faded, and a tall, thin figure stood quite still in the centre of the room.
“Greetings, human,” he said in an eerie, soft voice. “Prepare for the end of your world.”
Breathing in and out, Bo blinked several times. “Finally, someone who gets it.”
The figure paused, clearly not ready for that reaction.
“I-I do not think you understand. This is an invasion. I am the First. Others will follow.”
He stumbled over the words, as if fluffing the lines to a long-rehearsed script.
“No, I get it,” said Bo. “Weird green man says ‘prepare for the end of your world’, what’s not to get? I’ve seen movies.”
“Movies?” asked the First.
Bo ignored him. “But frankly, threaten away. My day was crap already.”
“Your petty human concerns are nothing compared to-”
Leaping off the bed, Bo squared up to him. “Shut up! You don’t know me! You aren’t living my life!”
The two of them were standing face to face, centimetres apart, breathing in sync. A new thought started to form in Bo’s head. The First was, there was no other way to put it, an absolute snack. If anything, the scales helped. And the curve of his forehead wasn’t unlike Jay’s.
“Counter offer,” they said, softening their voice.
“We do not negotia-”
They leant in. “Kiss me.”
The First considered the offer. In truth, he had started to question the cause. And the human was not unattractive. He pulled them in and kissed them, hard.
Spinning as they kissed, Bo flung him onto the bed. Breakup sex with Jay hadn’t happened, but it seemed an ill-advised hookup with a stranger was very much on the cards. Straddling the First, they reached for his chest, and started to unfasten his spacesuit.
“Right,” they said. “First contact, here we go.”