Author: Letícia Piroutek

Safety off. Check barrel. Up. Steady. Shoot.
Safety off. Check barrel. Up. Steady. Shoot.
Safety off. Check barrel. Up. Steady. Shoot.

The weather felt drier today, drier than usual in this Godforsaken desert. Janie is standing in front of her father’s famous shooting range, looking right at the dirty red mountains. The thing is, she shouldn’t be doing this today of all days. The sun is scalding and making her skin burn, the holster is too tight on her thigh, she can’t stop thinking about how she’s going to feed the kid tonight, and it’s close to sunset. Way too close to sunset. She squints her eyes at the mountain, at the massive spider shaped hole staring back, and she starts to feel a bit ridiculous. The only person who ever got to bury one of these creatures was her dad, and he only got do it because it was old and injured anyways, so why is she even trying? He waited, and waited, and waited, close to death every single time. It’s almost as if he wanted to die, almost as if he was as done with this world as Janie is right now. And he got the bitter end of the deal, he took one down, but it took him down with it. The sun is really going down now, the inside of the mountain starts wailing softly. It’s time to go.

After walking for 2 miles or so, she finally gets home. It could be called home, maybe. It’s made of old wood, barely holding together with rusty nails, a roof with holes in it, a sink that doesn’t work so they must go to the well every day, and one wind away from becoming a complete wreck, but the kid is always in there… so it is home, isn’t it? She doesn’t have time to get sentimental, it’s breeding season up in the mountains, and sooner rather than later… well.

The kid is on the floor, playing with his little wooden horse that Janie carved for him with her knife. The only valuable thing she has left, the knife dad left her. It doesn’t look that much valuable if you ask her. Carved out of a fang, he said, nothing more valuable than a fang. She wonders if it’s true, and if it isn’t made of the bones of some dead cow he found in the desert, that died of thirst and starvation. Nothing to feed on but dirt and the sun.

She softly touches the kid’s hair, announcing she’s home. He startles for a bit, but then looks up smiling and signs “hello” to her with his tiny fingers. You see, the kid doesn’t speak, too traumatized for it. And she has no idea what his name is. She thought about naming him but decided against it, he isn’t some animal she found and can name whatever she wants. But she knows he has a name, and maybe one day he’ll find a way to sign something other than “Hello” and “I’m hungry” and “I love you”. He is so dirty she starts to feel bad; he doesn’t seem to care but she needs to grab extra water tomorrow to bathe him with. He makes the wooden horse ride across her muddied boots, and she laughs at him. Though she found him near a mountain only about two years ago, she is extremely fond of him, and he knows that. As if on cue he signs to her “I’m hungry”. She caresses his cheek and gets up, rummaging through the kitchen cabinets, she finds two carrots. That’s going to have to do.

They sit down on the wooden floor in front of the fire to eat it, one carrot each. The kid is in between her legs, happily eating his oiled carrot, he cuddles up against her chest and she rests her cheek on top of his head. But the wailing outside starts to get louder, and the floor starts shaking with it. There’s a loud sound, it makes her ears hurt and she covers them with the force of it. She immediately gets up, the kid looking up at her with frightful eyes, scared of the sounds. He knows what it is, he knows it better than her. She grabs him by his little hand and opens the hatch on the floor, it’s nothing but a dark hole carved in the dirt, but maybe she can keep him safe, maybe if she shoots it straight in the eye it will fall, and it won’t come for him. He goes inside without a sound, she looks at him, really looks at him. Not knowing if she’s coming back, almost damn sure of it. She smiles and slowly signs “I love you”. He opens his mouth, but she’s faster and closes the hatch door. She grabs the gun resting on the wall and opens the front door.

The sky is pitch black. Nothing but her, the stars, and the dirt. She looks right at where the sound is coming from, the wailing getting louder and louder. She can see its eight eyes glowing up in the distance, looking right at her, just standing there and not moving. And then it starts running towards her, she is almost paralyzed with fear for a moment, but it moves so fast she doesn’t even have enough time to feel much. Adrenaline pumping through her veins, its eight legs making a terrible sound on the dirt, so sure in its movements, in its environment in this alien planet. A planet that isn’t even theirs, or maybe it is, maybe it always was, they were just sleeping for thousands and thousands of years waiting for Janie to be born and love something harder than she loves her own self. It’s closer and closer now. She remembers what her dad told her, but most of all… she thinks of the kid and how she doesn’t know his name but loves him all the same.

Safety off. Check barrel. Up. Steady. Shoot.