by submission | May 26, 2017 | Story |
Author : Jules Jensen
He looked like the most average business man in the world. He even carried a briefcase in one hand. I wondered if he packed away a pitchfork or angel wings or horns or a halo in that thing. These days, no one could tell if they were selling their soul to an angel or a demon.
“I think I’ll pass.” I said.
He blinked. I swear, if I weren’t told from the moment I could walk and talk that these things were a spirit-being of some kind, I’d think he was a computer that just had to force itself to reboot to figure out this problem.
“You’re brother will remain sick, if you do. You don’t want him to die, do you?” The businessman asked. People walking by on the street didn’t even pay any attention to him, or to me. I snorted. As much as it tugged at my heartstrings, I knew that my brother would not want his only big sister to throw my soul away for a bad deal. He’s the one always talking about numbers needing to make sense, after all.
“Twenty years isn’t enough to do everything he wants to do in life, anyway.” I said, to which the businessman frowned. I turned, starting to walk away, but I felt I had to say something else. Did these businessmen make some kind of commission, or were they just dicks? “This deal sucks. I don’t know if your kind have customer service reviews, but I’ll make sure that all my friends will know that you make crap deals.”
I took a single step, and I felt his hand gently on my shoulder. It made me shiver and flinch away, and throw him a dirty look.
“How about forty? Same price.” He said.
Forty? Then, if he was going to die, he’d be forty-nine. He could have gone to college, had fun, found a career, made the best friends in the world. Settle down with the perfect girlfriend. And then he’d die before old age stole away his vitality.
That actually sounded pretty good.
“Forty, and two less lifetimes.” I don’t know why I asked, but he didn’t seem so offended by the counter.
“Deal.” He waved a hand over the paper, and I saw the numbers change. I took the blood-red pen from his other hand and signed the paper, which floated in the air as if it rested on an invisible table.
Four years later.
The funeral ended hours ago. And all that time, I’d been trying to call him. Over and over again, I shouted at the sky, at the ground, because I don’t remember where he said he came from.
Eventually, he came. He looked exactly the same. He even smiled at me.
“You bastard!” I threw the words at him and his smile seemed to only get bigger.
“What?” He had so much nerve.
“You killed him!”
“Honestly, a gas fire is a pretty random event.” He shrugged. Shrugged, like that’s all my brother’s fiery death was worth.
“He was supposed to get forty years!”
“It’s not like I’m going to go out of my way and make sure he lives all those years. If he was going to die some other way all along, then that’s just what happens.”
“Refund. Now.”
“That’s not how it works.” And then his smile changed. And I knew that this was no ordinary demon or angel, this must be the devil himself. “Maybe you should have stuck to the original deal.”
And then he was gone.
by submission | May 25, 2017 | Story |
Author : D.J. Rozell
Liam’s eyes wandered down the conference table of potential investors calibrating what level of formality would be perceived as both confident and competent. “OK, so there are many dating apps available. Some of them even make money. However, they all share the same two problems – they rely on user self-knowledge and honesty. Filling out a questionnaire or selecting dates from profiles requires users to know themselves and what they want. Countless studies have shown people consistently lie to themselves and others. Some of our competitors see this as a feature rather than a flaw because it ensures repeat customers. But we at SolMatch believe a lot more money can be made without resorting to cynicism. Our goal is to help every person find their actual best possible relationship.”
“So this is how it works. You download the SolMatch app. Our proprietary AI system accesses and analyses your browser history, social media presence, phone logs, and texts. From this data, the SolMatch system determines your current or most recent romantic partner and then searches all publicly available data for that person. Within 24 hours – one Earth sol – the system sends you a short narrative that explains why you were incompatible with your last partner or what is dooming your current relationship.”
“Don’t you turn off potential customers if you criticize them or their partner?” asked one of five grey suits at the table. This one was balding and wore the only tie in the room.
Liam was prepared. “SolMatch doesn’t critique people, just relationships. Besides, no one downloads the app if they are happy with their current relationship.” The suit nodded and Liam continued, “So, it turns out that diagnosing the basic faults in a relationship is not that hard for SolMatch. The general feedback from customers is amazement – how did we know their relationship so well? In beta testing, 93% of downloads go on to be paying users.” Liam let that sink in. There were several more nods around the table.
“Once we have demonstrated the value of SolMatch, we offer to find customers the best possible future relationship within one Venus Sol. This problem is much harder, so it take about eight months of machine learning to generate a reliable solution. The cost is $1 a day. Once they sign on, the app continues to track what the customer reads, texts, and posts, but also includes microphone analysis and GPS tracking. The SolMatch AI analyzes all interpersonal interactions and all movements and builds a probabilistic attribute map for each customer. At the end of the assessment, we match customers with the most overlapping attribute maps. We have generated a map for every person on the country with a digital presence, but, for obvious reasons, SolMatch customers will have the least uncertainty in their maps. We plan to have global profiles within three years.”
“What about sociopaths?” asked the only woman in the room.
“Good question. They generally avoid SolMatch because they get paired with other sociopaths, not the victims they’re looking for. Plus, SolMatch reports criminal behavior to authorities.” The remaining questions were as easily dispatched.
Later that evening, Liam stood to toast the executive team of SolMatch in a private dining room. “Here’s to our phenomenal team. Turns out SolMatch works just as well on selecting which venture capitalists to pitch as on finding a mate.” Cheers and laughs. “And some additional good news, after the meeting we were contacted by a super PAC. They’re ready to advance some real money towards selecting the ultimate relationship…the next president.”
by submission | May 24, 2017 | Story |
Author : Suzanne Borchers
The black button seemed to sneer from its instrument panel at the two technicians facing each other with their hands resting on either side of it. They were the only two humans left on the warship. Neither had tasted battle with the aliens. They had only kept the technology intact for their now dead soldiers on the planet below.
Anger distorted their faces. On the view screen, the smoking planet was the background for a wounded, miserable alien. The translator blinked on.
“We surrender whatever is left of our world. Let us rescue our people from the rubble. Show us mercy.”
“We will consider it.” Simon switched off the screen. He turned to his companion. “All our warriors are dead so we are left with the job of deciding the future. Perhaps it’s time to examine why we are here fighting these beings. Carl von Clausewitz said, ‘War is the continuation of politics by other means.’”
“I am so sick of your endless dead people quotations. We do have a huge decision to make and all you can contribute are useless platitudes.” Georgia sighed. “They killed us too. They showed us no mercy.”
“We need to change our thinking about aliens and war. ‘We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.’– Albert Einstein.” Simon paused to push Georgia’s hand a millimeter farther from the button. “The war is over. We won. You and I have the chance to change the future toward a peaceful existence with our other neighbors.”
“I look down there and all I see are the bodies of our people.” Georgia nudged Simon’s hand away from hers.
“Mahatma Gandhi said, ‘An eye for an eye only ends up making the world blind.’ We don’t have to destroy our enemies. We can use this moment to start a path toward peace.”
“Are you seriously going to consider showing mercy to those deceitful creatures?” Georgia’s face became stone.
“We can’t always be at war!” Simon pleaded. “’Nothing can exist forever.’– Stephen Hawking.”
“Well, maybe…maybe you’re right,” Georgia said. “But, how can you forgive them?”
Simon relaxed into his chair. “Mahatma Gandhi also said, ‘The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.’”
Georgia smiled. “Let me think about it.”
‘”What we think, we become.’ — Buddha.”
Georgia grinned. “I’ve got my own quotation. ‘When somebody challenges you, fight back. Be brutal, be tough.’– Donald Trump.”
Georgia pushed the button.
by submission | May 22, 2017 | Story |
Author : James Machell
Having sampled manna, which fell from Heaven and was enjoyed by Moses in the desert, picked dates from a batch given to the Prophet Mohammed, Derek Lockerby, restaurant critic, was determined to taste the wine, transformed after the wedding at Cana.
His time machine worked by Einstein’s principle of teleportation, whereby the fourth dimension could be crossed in a manner similar to making two dots on a sheet of paper, then folding it so they reach each other. It was also invisible, covered in malleable paint, and seeing as Jesus might have inherited his father’s all-seeing eyes, Lockerby parked half a mile away from the festivities. This allowed him to enjoy the summer, a sensation ruined by global warming in his own time. Many heads turned as the average height in the year 3000 was 6”6’, and though Lockerby was considered short in his own time, he was one of the tallest people among the ancients.
‘Come see the Messiah!’ yelled a crier, at the end of the street. ‘It’s the party of the decade!’ Lockerby, whose Aramaic was shaky, only understood the first part and was surprised when many people went in the same direction as him, most with their own cup or gourd.
Among the crowd, gathered around the largest synagogue in Galilee (illustrious white spires and the star of David above the door), was a woman dressed in blue, with the fairest skin of anybody there. She was speaking with another woman who was probably the bride, and afraid to interrupt the Virgin Mary’s conversation, Lockerby went to catch a glimpse of Jesus.
Everyone, he heard someone say, was centered around a large barrel, which Jesus dispensed wine from so people were joining the crowd at the same rate as others were leaving with their drinks. Lockerby only had a flask in his bag and having unscrewed the top, decided that if anyone asked, he would pretend it was a metal cup from Canaan.
Summer heat became uncomfortable when surrounded by the thirsty mass, who seemed more interested in free wine than seeing Jesus, and he wondered whether it was different seeing the son of God when you had the retrospect of history. His heart started to beat uncontrollably because Christianity was the religion he’d been raised in and after breaking a fast with Buddha, and feasting at Diwali with the Dalai Lama, Lockerby already knew the pleasures of dining with the enlightened figures of other cultures, and felt overwhelmed by the prospect of confronting the hero of his traditions.
Now sweaty, Lockerby was suddenly in front of the barrel with his flask ready. Dark, fruity liquid was being scooped into cups by a man, fair like Mary, who had long hair and a short beard.
‘Here you go Derek,’ he said, pouring some into his container, and noticing the Starbucks logo, smiled and added, ‘you won’t be getting that kind of coffee round here.’ Jesus continued serving and Lockerby stumbled back into the open, amazed. He must be the Messiah, Lockerby concluded. How else could he recognize the brands of the future? Feeling as though the greatest of all mysteries had been conquered, Lockerby took a celebratory sip and found it more brawny than elegant, reminding him of the cheap wine cordial, invented when he was a boy, and now available in all good 31st century stores.
by submission | May 21, 2017 | Story |
Author : Joseph Lyons
“Good morning Mr…Ogden. I’m nurse Shaw, I’ll be your mod operator today. What can I do for you?”
“I’m here for my girlfriend.”
“Ok, perhaps I can interest you in the sensitivity package.”
“No, no, no, no thank you. She says I’m sensitive enough. I was hoping to be a little more, ahem, assertive.”
“I see. That’s very common in here Mr Ogden. Here is our standard waiver. If you’d like to sign it then simply recline your seat and we’ll begin.”
***
“There we are. How do you feel?”
“The same. Did it work?”
“I’m sure you’ll find out when the situation arises Mr Ogden.”
“Oh, yes, I’m sure. Thank you.”
“Goodbye Mr Ogden.”
***
“Hello again Mr Ogden.”
“Please, Nathan.”
“Well, Nathan, what can I do for you today?”
“I was hoping you could make me more talkative this time.”
“That’s not specifically something we can do. I can up your extrovert levels if you like?”
“I’d like that.”
“Would you, or would your girlfriend? Sorry, I know its very personal.”
“Its fine. She’s paying for it.”
“Well, if you’re sure, you remember the standard waiver I’m sure.”
“Yes, thank you.”
***
“We must stop meeting like this Nathan.”
“Ha.”
“No, seriously. This has to be enough. This is your seventh visit in as many weeks. Is she really worth it?”
“She is a terrific human being who I love whole heartedly. This goddess that walks the earth is the only one for me Jenny.”
“May have overdone it on the doting mod last time.”
“Not at all. You only ever do the finest job. You have made each and every one of my experiences here a genuine pleasure. You’re a credit to this establishment and to health givers everywhere.”
“Flattery mod-ing will get you nowhere.”
“My apologies.”
“Its fine, its not your fault. Barely you at all anymore really. Oh well, what will it be today?”
“My good lady would like me to be more selfless, giving.”
“Would she now?”
“Indeed.”
“Well, you know the drill, sign here and we’ll go ahead.”
“This doesn’t look like the usual form.”
“Do as you’re told please.”
“Yes, of course.”
***
“Here is your coffee Jenny.”
“Oh, thank you Alison.”
“Whats going on with this guy? Professional or personal?”
“Personal. Girlfriend.”
“Shocker. My goodness, this is his seventh mod.”
“Something like that. Shame, he seemed like such a nice guy the first few times we met.”
***
“Nathan, how are you feeling?”
“Good.”
“Ok, well, hopefully we won’t see you again.”
“Goodbye Jenny, Miss.”
“What did you do?”
“What makes you think I did anything?”
“The half smug, half guilty look on your face.”
“I may have reset him to factory setting. Although I did let him keep his assertiveness…”
“And?”
“Removed his eagerness to please. Lets see how his girlfriend likes that.”
“You are going to be in so much trouble.”
