Author: John McManus

The Singularity EDP

You can’t travel through time without a good sense of smell. At least, no farther than you can drive a car blind. That’s why the best time travelers come from the same little Riviera town as the best perfumers. Grasse, France.
The perfumers’ guild formulates the eons. Han China Pour Hommes; Doges of Venice Eau de Toilette. How do we build these time machines? For sharing guild secrets, the penalty is death.
That’s why they’re hunting me down—but they’ll never find me. My new fragrance is The Singularity. The opening is vetiver, cedar, and neroli. The drydown is a sweet vanilla cream you’ll be sniffing and sniffing until you’re in here alongside me.
Once you’re here, you’re not leaving. That’s the thing about the singularity. There’s no one who CAN leave, and no place to go, never was, never will be. Here I am, come and get me.

Atlantis Extrait

The year the comet hit is what perfumers call an oriental. Seductive, heavy amber—think Opium or Shalimar. Two sprays of Atlantis Extrait and you’ll be there, among the ancients. Don’t try to learn their language, just speak in equations.
The kings of Atlantis were mathematicians. They found cheat codes to the world, greater ones than ours. Theirs could seize control of aliens. Aliens aren’t made of carbon; they’re what we call ideas, and what do ideas feed on? An anxious mind.
Think of nuclear radiation. In the distant future, Chernobyl still will be poisoned, same as we’re still being eaten. Thirteen thousand years after impact, the aliens are still feasting. Did you think your nightmares were neurons, bouncing?
Nightmares are aliens. Wear my magnum opus, go meet the conquerors of aliens. Steal their cheat codes, bring them home to our world before theirs ends in fire, but be careful. Wear too much, you’ll go noseblind.

Palaestra Pour Femme et Homme

Plato’s Athens is a powdery fougere. Cherry, cognac, and pink pepper, with a hint of leather: it’s sexual, as it should be. That chair from his theory? He sat in it while I pleasured him.
His thighs had thighness, the chair had chairness. It was an olive-wood klismos. Spray Palaestra, go see for yourself. Go learn the Form of the Good.
Attend Socrates’ trial, drink the kykeon. Fall in love, have some kids. Be your own hundred-times-great grandparent, it’s no paradox. Games have secret passageways.
It’s just code. In Super Mario Brothers, at the end of World 1-2, leap onto the ceiling blocks and you’ll come to the warp pipes. Palaestra is your warp pipe, and it’s zeroes and ones, nothing more, nothing less. That’s the secret of the universe.

Machu Picchu EDT

I wanted Incan Cusco. They gave it to Marcel, who doesn’t even believe in God. The man they assigned to the hemisphere’s greatest dreamers thinks this world’s all there is or ever will be, so I broke into his laboratory. The atomizer was labeled Machu Picchu EDT.
I poured that swill down the drain. If the sewer rats smelled it, they went to hell and stayed there. Hell is cliches. Imagine the worst TV show you’ve ever seen.
If the writer of that show were god of his own world, who in that world could dream a dream? Not the Inca. The Inca need to dream. Who better than me to make them dream?
Guilty as charged, I’m an egotist. To be a great perfumer, you have to be. The desire planted deepest in your heart is to smell yourself on other people. That’s how the Lord made me.