Illegal Astralgants
Author: David C. Nutt
I had been working on lucid dreaming off and on for about a year. I never believed the goofier ends of the equation- alternate realities, astral projection, and all that other New Age hooey. All I wanted to do was control my own dream space. Maybe have my own “Grand Theft Auto” style adventure or at the very least, an orgy or two. Jah, that would be cool. Unfortunately, none of the exercises and methods to get me to that “enlightened head space” I saw on You Tube was working.
Finally, I had a breakthrough; I was in control of my own dreams, constructing fantastic dreamscapes for my sheer enjoyment and pleasure. Then, after an amazing encounter with a woman I saw in a commercial and had serious lust for as an adolescent, I saw the light. At first, I thought it was my dream version of the sun. It was white and shimmering like a reflection on water but only on clouds. I flew up to it and was sucked in, and after a minor panic attack, blacked out.
When I awoke, I was in a huge bowl-shaped depression surrounded by green grass and wildflowers. It was heartbreakingly beautiful. I had an overwhelming sense of peace, and instantly understood my life and all my idiotic shortcomings and pettiness. I understood everything and I was eager to learn more, to better myself.
Suddenly, two angelic beings crested the hilltop and looked down on me. One shook his head. “We have another.” He said to no one in particular. The response came as a disembodied voice, filling the air and all around me in a rich baritone, one that made James Earl Jones sound like a toddler by comparison.
“Check his paperwork.” Was all the voice said.
One of the Angelic beings glided down to me, its face a beatific vision that made my heart burst with emotions too deep for words. It stopped in front of me smiling. I began to weep. It sighed, and a perfectly warmed perfumed breeze wafted over my body.
“Name?” was all it said.
Between sobs and sniffles I said “Huh?”
“NAME.” It said more forcefully, but still warm and perfumed
“Ummmm…Pennington, Michael James Pennington.”
The being sighed again and looked back to his companion. “We have another illegal. No Celestial name.”
“Check if the thing has a sigil. Sometimes they have sigils.” The other being said.
The being in front of me turned its angelic face towards me again. I started crying again. It rolled its eyes.
“Do you have a sigil?”
While sniffing I said “Wha-What’s that?”
The angelic being looked back at its companion. “He doesn’t have one.”
Somehow, I knew where this was going. “Wait. I want to stay. I want to learn, I want to make my life better. I want to bring this knowledge back to my family and friends. I-“
There was a crack of thunder, and I sunk to my knees.
“You shouldn’t be here.” The angelic being said. “You violated protocols, snuck in. Broke the rules. In fact, I find your very presence here offensive.”
And without ceremony I was flushed from that beautiful place like so much waste water.
Since then I’ve met others who had this experience. Some managed to stay longer, but all of us were eventually kicked out. We formed a group. We’ve hired some adepts who promised they can lead us back, help us make the crossing. We all bought authentic sigils. It wasn’t cheap but if you want to go to the promised land, you gotta pay.

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