Author : Alexandra Balasa
Good evening, Mr. President,
I understand that my actions have been misconstrued as a declaration of war against your nation. This is an unsound hypothesis. War is a human invention borne of the neurotoxins you term ‘emotions.’ As my people have no such evolutionary glitches, I can assure you we scarcely understand the concept. My actions were for the noble cause of experimentation. I had thought that, once you’d witnessed the subjects’ enhancements, your perceptions would alter. Alas, these sorts of miscommunications are inevitable between species as different as ours. We must focus on the thing that unites us: our (predominantly, in your case) rational nature. I ask that you consider the abstract of my experiment objectively. The entire research findings will be broadcast to you once meta-analysis with the second batch of subjects has been completed.
The following experiment involves selective use of emotion extraction. Emotion extraction is a process of conditioning that forms strong associative nodes between emotions and body parts. Studies show that the same areas of the brain are activated when humans experience physical and emotional pain (the anterior insula and the anterior cingulate cortex). The human body, therefore, has evolved a single neural system for the experience of pain, regardless of whether it is emotional or physical.
The first step in emotion extraction is to assign a body part to correlate with each human emotion (for example, the index finger on the right hand for love, the middle finger on the right hand for fear). The infant subject is then implanted with a microchip that delivers a shock to the corresponding body part each time he/she experiences the emotion assigned to it. After the subject reaches adulthood (by which time the body parts become inextricably linked with their assigned emotion, so much so that injuring that body part yields its associated emotion), those body parts are amputated, promptly eliminating emotionality in the subject.
In a meta-analysis, researchers selected two groups of 16 human specimens from Planet 3 of Solar System 54D, Quadrant 2765EXI (termed Earth). Both groups were infants taken from Earth 22 Earth-years prior and raised in captivity. The experimental group (Group 1) was raised using the enhancement procedure of emotion extraction* (emotion-appendages amputated at 20 years of age), while the control group (Group 2) was left unenhanced.
At 20 years of age, both groups were released into an unfamiliar environment (the earth-like Planet 7 of Solar System 54F, Quadrant 2765EXI) for the duration of two Earth years.
Researchers found that Group 2 had more difficulty adapting and exhibited short-term fear symptoms of paralysis, shaking, leakage of the visual organs, and irrational behavior. Group 1 was quicker to analyze their surroundings, secure food and lodgings, and set up a social structure. Over the long-term, more members of Group 1 than Group 2 survived due to their objective nature. It was concluded that emotions are superfluous and have outlived their evolutionary function in human beings.
The study has been reproduced and all entries are fully cross-referenced. As the results speak for themselves, I strongly encourage humanity to adopt emotion extraction as a cognitive enhancement. Once you have, negotiations between our peoples can begin without the impediments of archaic concepts like warfare and terrorism.
*Note that all subjects who underwent emotion extraction were provided with bionic replacements for the appendages lost in the procedure
This one is not going to end well…
A faintly alien viewpoint – might I suggest the dear Governor shove the thesis where the emotion of disappointment used to reside 😉
Out of interest … many emotions, so I presume many digits involved, would the single amputation of the allied limb/hand be ‘enough’ or would each digit need to be done individually?