Author : Joseph Lyons

“Good morning Mr…Ogden. I’m nurse Shaw, I’ll be your mod operator today. What can I do for you?”

“I’m here for my girlfriend.”

“Ok, perhaps I can interest you in the sensitivity package.”

“No, no, no, no thank you. She says I’m sensitive enough. I was hoping to be a little more, ahem, assertive.”

“I see. That’s very common in here Mr Ogden. Here is our standard waiver. If you’d like to sign it then simply recline your seat and we’ll begin.”


“There we are. How do you feel?”

“The same. Did it work?”

“I’m sure you’ll find out when the situation arises Mr Ogden.”

“Oh, yes, I’m sure. Thank you.”

“Goodbye Mr Ogden.”


“Hello again Mr Ogden.”

“Please, Nathan.”

“Well, Nathan, what can I do for you today?”

“I was hoping you could make me more talkative this time.”

“That’s not specifically something we can do. I can up your extrovert levels if you like?”

“I’d like that.”

“Would you, or would your girlfriend? Sorry, I know its very personal.”

“Its fine. She’s paying for it.”

“Well, if you’re sure, you remember the standard waiver I’m sure.”

“Yes, thank you.”


“We must stop meeting like this Nathan.”


“No, seriously. This has to be enough. This is your seventh visit in as many weeks. Is she really worth it?”

“She is a terrific human being who I love whole heartedly. This goddess that walks the earth is the only one for me Jenny.”

“May have overdone it on the doting mod last time.”

“Not at all. You only ever do the finest job. You have made each and every one of my experiences here a genuine pleasure. You’re a credit to this establishment and to health givers everywhere.”

“Flattery mod-ing will get you nowhere.”

“My apologies.”

“Its fine, its not your fault. Barely you at all anymore really. Oh well, what will it be today?”

“My good lady would like me to be more selfless, giving.”

“Would she now?”


“Well, you know the drill, sign here and we’ll go ahead.”

“This doesn’t look like the usual form.”

“Do as you’re told please.”

“Yes, of course.”


“Here is your coffee Jenny.”

“Oh, thank you Alison.”

“Whats going on with this guy? Professional or personal?”

“Personal. Girlfriend.”

“Shocker. My goodness, this is his seventh mod.”

“Something like that. Shame, he seemed like such a nice guy the first few times we met.”


“Nathan, how are you feeling?”


“Ok, well, hopefully we won’t see you again.”

“Goodbye Jenny, Miss.”

“What did you do?”

“What makes you think I did anything?”

“The half smug, half guilty look on your face.”

“I may have reset him to factory setting. Although I did let him keep his assertiveness…”


“Removed his eagerness to please. Lets see how his girlfriend likes that.”

“You are going to be in so much trouble.”