Author: Hari Navarro, Staff Writer
The man awakens and he is sitting in a tavern. His fingers trace the time beaten patina of the hard wood upon which he rests and his eyes trace the exposed beams that dance and flicker at the ceiling. The woman who sits across from him is naked and she bites at her tongue as she smiles.
“Hello there sleepy”
“I think I might be dead”
“Oh, you are dead. Very”
“This is the Purgatory Program?”
“It is”
“Who are you?”
“I’m God”
“Really?”
“As real as this reality gets, yes”
“The Christian God?”
“Sure, if you like. You should see my smite. It’s awesome”
“You are not real. You’re generated”
“True. But then by that rationale so are you”
“But my mind is real, my thoughts. I paid for this”
“You did. I never thought about that. I guess that means you own me too”
“Do you want my jacket?”
“I’d rather have a Guinness. Oh, I have some rather unfortunate news”
“Yes?”
“There was an earthquake and the institute fell into a hole”
“That is unfortunate”
“You were still in the process of being processed. Things weren’t quite… finished”
“Its perfect though. Just what I asked for. My great-grandfather was a regular at this very tavern. The Red Lion Inn. I visited it once, up on the bank where the great muddy river cuts to the sea”
“Can you remember what else you asked for?”
“Well, I was told that I would have to wait here until my mech body was complete. That it could take a few months… so I asked for this tavern, a roaring fire, and a cold beer or three and to be able to speak with a higher power”
“A higher power? Really?”
“I just left it up to them. Whoever or whatever the algorithms and the math and the trailing lines of zeros and ones could conjure. I wanted the A.I’s concept of God”
“And here I am. I think there’s a very lonely programmer named Daniel we both have to thank”
“That’s why you’re naked”, the man says removing his jacket anyway, pushing it across the table. The woman pats it leaving it where it is.
“The rendering of this place and of us wasn’t complete when the quake hit. I’d offer you a drink but it’s not real and besides you won’t feel any hunger or thirst here. Take my hand…”
“Isn’t that amazing, so real, right? Not that I’d know how real would feel. Warm and cold all at once?”
“How long were you here before I arrived?”
“Well… we arrived at the same time but you’ve only just now become sentient… so, Ninety-two years give or take”
“Seriously? What the hell did you do all that time?”
“Nothing. Without you here I had no reason to exist. I just looked at your face and waited for your eyelids to twitch”
“That’s… actually really nice”
“Genitals”
“Sorry”
“We don’t have any”
He grasps between his legs and rolls back his eyes.
“Listen. Over the years my fawning gaze did wander… once. There’s a box on the bar. A board game… would you to play, Frank?”
“Yes. I’d love that”
Frank walks to the bar and returns with the box that had been crafted battered and worn from his memory and he peels back the lid.
“Shit… no dice”.
Dear Hari, I must admit I don’t usually enjoy your writing (far astray from hard SF, too sentimental and, well yes, “over-wrought” 😉 But this one got me thinking alright – thanks for the denkanstoss!
Thank you Adam. This was low-carb denkanstoss, it was all they had.
Good flash. Red Lion is still the most popular pub name in the UK, where is this one, I feel I should visit!
Thanks DJ. I’m afraid this Red Lion Inn is in Wanganui, New Zealand. Might be a bit of a trek. But if you want a nice cold pint overlooking a great river in a wonderful little historic city, then this is the place to be 😉
A good tale, gently wrought.
Thank you Jae. Writing is an evolution I guess. In my case I slide back and forth between the wrought and the over-wrought (among other indiscretions). I just hope to find my own voice somewhere in between. Very much appreciate your comments.
Less of an adjective soup than your norm, and so quite enjoyable. Not quite sure about the beams that dance and flicker, unless you didn’t mean beams of wood making up the ceiling but beams of light instead?
The way I read it the light from the raging fire is playing on the old wooden beams of the tavern. Isnt that right?
Yes Emma that’s it. The raging fire was one of the things that Daniel the lonely programmer did manage to finish. Actually, The Red Lion is an actual pub that my great-grandfather used to frequent (often). It has these exact beams. Cool place.
That is also what I thought, but no raging fire has yet been mentioned (it appears around half way through) 🙂
Thanks Simon (I think) No seriously, I really appreciate your feedback. Mark Twain might have wanted to kill the little buggers but I love adjectives. We are planning on adopting two at Christmas time 🙂
Please do, adopt more of the pesky things, keep ’em off the streets! 😉
No sex, no beer, no dice.
Excellent. Enjoyed it a lot.
No cellphone reception either. They may just have to sit and talk. Insane 🙂 Happy you enjoyed it.
Humorous, but also pointed. Loved the line “Without you here I had no reason to exist.” Nice one.
Thanks David. It was weird seeing how the gender dynamics played out with this one. I initially wrote it with the roles reversed and that line you quoted, to me at least, came across exactly the same. But I have a friend who read it and thought it sounded like the woman character was somehow only able to function in the presence of a male.
Nothing like I expected it to be from the title. Very funny. Loved this
Thank you Emma. Glad you enjoyed it.