Author: R. J. Erbacher

“You’re just a goddamn computer!”

And you are an annoying human being.

“Yeah, but you don’t get to tell me what to do. Who the hell do you think you are – my mother?”

I am sure if your mother were here in this facility instead of living the life of a retired nurse practitioner in Florida, she would tell you the same thing.

“She goddamn would not! Running naked and wet through a building of hard-up men who have been stationed here for the past ten months would definitely not be high on her list of approved activities for a young lady!”

Perhaps if you had been more prepared you would not be in the awkward predicament you find yourself in now.

“More prepared!? If you had a face, I’d punch it. The women’s barracks got hit when I happen to be in the fucking shower. How do you prepare for something like that? I was just lucky enough to grab my gun-belt off the counter and get out of there. Lisa wasn’t so lucky. She’d already gone to sleep and was too slow to react. I saw them tearing her to pieces – Oh God, I think I’m going to be sick!”

Vomiting now would not be in your best interest. They are about to breach the doorway into the facilities division. My advice would be to abandon the hot water unit you are hiding behind now and run through the connecting hallway and into the men’s barracks.

“I could just shoot the fuckers as they come down the hall!”

Even with the two extra magazines on your rig and managing a perfect ‘kill’ shot with each bullet, which is highly unlikely, you still would not have enough ammunition to stop them all.

“Great. Monsters in front of me and animals behind me. Shit!”

Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.


Stealers Wheel, 1972.

“What the fuck are you talking about? I’m about to get eaten alive and you’re doing music trivia!”

Sorry. Do you truly believe that the male workers are going to be so absorbed by your nudity that they will take time out to ogle you instead of facing the imminent danger that is approaching them?

“These cosmic cowboys are so video game brainwashed that they’ll think they can bundle me in one arm, squeezing my crotch and sucking my face while they aim one-eyed over my shoulder and shoot with the other hand. Christ! Well, at least I’m actually quicker than most of these fat slobs so if I can get past them, they would be meal tickets long before me!”

Now that is uplifting. Throwing your companions to the proverbial wolves so you will have more time to escape.

“Hey, it’s every man, or in this case woman, for themselves and if you’re planning on getting philosoph- What was that?”

I would strongly suggest, if that does not offend your sensibility, to leave your present location, posthaste, as you are about to be overrun. And naked or not if you do not get your ‘skinny little ass’ in gear you will be the next lunch special.

“If I get out of this alive, I’m going to reprogram you into a blender!”

Good luck.