Author: Kevin Johnston

Hello, sir, welcome to Cerebromax™. Please place your hand on the scanner for identification. For your convenience, this scan signs all waivers and release forms concerning our transaction today.
Thank you for choosing the Cerebromax™ automated transaction system. For quality assurance, our conversation will be recorded.
– Tap –
I need to ask some questions to get to know you better. Please answer fully as your answers will affect the services we provide.
I see that you have used our services before. Are you currently verbal or non-verbal? Please press the button below for non-verbal.
– Tap –
I see that you are non-verbal; is that correct? Press once for yes, twice for no.
– Tap –
Excellent. I see that you were last here three months ago. Have you been to a different company during that time? Press once for yes, twice for no.
– Tap – Tap –
Thank you. Please remember that having this operation more frequently than every three months may result in permanent damage.
Sir, have you experienced any seizures since your last visit? Remember, seizures disqualify you for this procedure. Press once for yes, twice for no.
– Tap – T-tap – Tap –
I’m sorry, that is not an option. Please press once for yes, twice for no. If your hands are shaking, please allow the tremors to subside before proceeding.
– Tap – Tap –
Very good. Have you been experiencing blurred vision, headaches, stiff neck, blackouts, phantoms pains, mood swings, or visual or auditory hallucinations since your last visit? Remember, these symptoms-
– Tap – Tap –
Excellent. You are clear to proceed.
Please listen carefully as our prices have changed.
We are currently offering $25/g for grey matter, $15/g for white matter, $50/g for brain stem tissue, and $10/mL for CSF. Please make your selection using the touchpad.
You have selected grey matter, is that correct? Press once for yes, twice for no.
– Tap –
Very good. Please remember Cerebromax™ and its affiliates cannot be held responsible for damage incurred due to incorrect or false answers on the preceding questionnaire. Are you ready to proceed? Press once for yes, twice for no.
– Tap –
Excellent. Please step forward into the booth. Please remember that drooling, loss of sensation in the fingers and toes, drooping facial muscles, awkward gait, and olfactory hallucinations are all normal side effects of this procedure and should resolve in two to three weeks. If symptoms persist, please see your primary care physician.
We know you have many options for selling your property. We want to thank you for choosing Cerebromax™. Have a pleasant day!