Author: Bill Cox
Welcome, old friends and assorted strangers, to my first blog post since my somewhat unexpected and of course deeply tragic death. I would like to thank everyone who attended the elaborate and tasteful funeral.
I understand that it was a deeply moving service and my special thanks go to my best friend Woody for his exceptionally touching eulogy. He performed magnificently, given his state of inebriation (as I gathered from his Facebook postings) and I’m glad that my loving wife (whoops, widow – force of habit!) Sharon was on hand to console him afterwards.
Some of you may know that I met Sharon after she and Woody split up, many moons ago, and if I’m truthful I suspected that their romance was never quite one hundred percent over. No doubt the next few months will let us all see if my long-harboured suspicions were correct!
You may be somewhat surprised to see I’m still blogging after my distressingly fatal car accident (The brakes failed – seriously? Sounds like the plot from one of those naff Wednesday afternoon thrillers that Sharon so used to so enjoy!). Well, that is all courtesy of Immorta-Blog, the app that trawls your e-mail, social media, blog posts and other online information to continue your digital presence when your analogue self has departed for the hereafter. Isn’t technology wonderful!
To be honest I just signed up by accident when I was trying to download a dating app (the one for married men wanting to have an affair – ask my brother Paul for details, he’s a long-time subscriber and sent me the link) and was too lazy (a common criticism from my workplace performance reviews, it seems!) to delete it.
So, dear readers, you can look forward to future blog posts on topics relating to items of interest from my internet history, spoken in that unique voice culled from my social media and passed through an algorithm to make it sound chirpy and full of life – the exact opposite of my current state of being! These posts will highlight my interest in far-right hate groups and racist humour, my somewhat niche sexual preferences and my childlike fascination with amusing cat memes. Something for everybody there, I think!
So, as my immortal soul settles into its eternal residence (let’s face it, we all know where I’ve ended up. Clue – the thermostat is cranked up to hot!) I want to thank you for your continued support for the vanity project that is my blog.
Thank you too, to Immorta-Blog (clink on this link for subscription details, fifty per cent off your first three post-life postings!) for preserving my memory, ensuring that even after I’m gone, the best of me will live on and on and on!