by submission | Feb 26, 2010 | Story
Author : KJ Hannah Greenberg
Snazzle considered, as she queued up, among the morning roses and goldenrod, that members of the machinistsâ men didnât take warmly to her puttering about their racks and chargers. Despite the techniciansâ protest to the contrary, whenever she brought Little Guy to honk among the geese and ducks, those mechanics shuddered and pushed him and Snazzle away.
It was not so much that Little Guy emptied enough corn onto the ground for all of the barnyardâs critters, let alone the fowl, as it was that Little Guy picked up the heifers in the same way that more typical offshoots might lift a puppy. While they labored on their harrows and on their seeders, those lab guys slit their eyes at Snazzle and her kin.
Those thinker-tinkers especially got antsy when Little Guy wandered over to their self-propelled sprayer; they blamed that unit for her totâs physical prowesses. They hadnât known that Snazzleâs baby had snacked on foxes and on wolverines long before he tottled.
Rather, those applied science guys figured that a strong dose of nitrogen had altered Little Guyâs chemistry such that his xylem, which flowed among the cells of his mental engine, leaked out in almost organic guttation. The agricultural artisans reasoned that Little Guy performed feats during the day because at night his stomata remained closed. They hadnât counted on his need to cuddle with his mama.
Snazzle shook her filaments in answer to that imagined discourse. Little Guy no more possessed hydathodes, through which he could express excess water, than he did any other means of transpirational pull. His mutant state meant that he would be, forever, forced to evaporate fluids through his tongue. To wit, he left his main orifice open. That he swallowed whole sheep or goats during his ambulations was accidental.
Consequently, Little Guy considered their jaunts to the ranch occasions for seeing and tasting animals. Snazzle, however, saw those journeys as opportunities for borrowing utensils she needed to create a system of secondary growth, of activated vascular cambium for her child.
To Snazzle, circumstances are caused by vicissitudes, not karma. Solutions derive from effort, not from self pity or blame. Ennui means lack of faith. Feelings of victimization mean not trying hard enough.
The thought of having to rupture Little Guyâs epidermis in order to accommodate his growth left her discolored and dried, but Snazzle was resolute about helping him. In the end, she would help him form cambia on the outside of his phloem.
Such direction would necessitate Little Guy ingesting a few horses and a couple of the farmerâs sons, but it would solve his metabolic quandary. Thereafter, Little Guy could cross pollinate with any woody vine of similar genetic material. The couple could produced mobile, flowering grandchildren for Snazzle and could rid the farm of its rat problem, its cats, its donkeys, its llamas and its prize elephant.
by Duncan Shields | Feb 25, 2010 | Story
Author : Duncan Shields, Staff Writer
We put Jesus24K99 into his cage for our own protection. The anti-coagulants werenât holding. He was destabilizing. Heâd bleed out soon.
The hole in our research was the stigmata. The actual crucifix had been uncovered in a basement vault of the Vatican. The nails from the cross had been scraped for flakes. The DNA, when used to make clones, had created short, dark babies.
Obviously not Jesus.
We tinkered with the DNA, adding a lot more milk to the coffee, if you will, to make the clone more acceptable to Middle America. We needed an Aryan beauty the likes of which would make women swoon and men envy. We needed todayâs Jesus, not the old one.
Blond, emaciated babies were being created in our lab. They refused to eat. They cried a lot. Vials of their tears had cured cancer in my wife and two of the assistants. Even Jeffreyâs back was normal again.
Plans were afoot to release the cure for a price that was low enough to afford but would still make our company billions under masked creation papers. Lies, basically. The cure for cancer. Probably the cure for AIDS. Who knows? Maybe the cure for everything. If nothing else, at least these crying babies could make the people of earth healthy again.
Unfortunately, it made me picture rows and rows of eyeless Jesus Baby Clones crying into suction tubes in cages like chickens in KFC farms. I got back to work.
Most of them had turned out hemophiliac. We had no idea what to do when the holes in their hands and sides appeared. This baby Jesus was moving sluggishly.
It was like some unseen force was killing these babies, like what we were doing was not for the greater good and we were being sabotaged.
Jesus24K99 rolled onto his back and stopped moving. The pool of blood spread out beneath him, eventually slowing to a stop as his heart stopped pumping. The tattoo on his arm was scanned. The lights in his cage went out.
The compactor took over. He was added to the basement remains.
We hadnât even figured out how to accelerate his aging when we made a stable copy. There was talk of hiring an actor as Plan B and cutting our losses by sticking with the whole âcure for cancerâ thing.
Iâd be out of job if they did that but I was starting to think that maybe it wouldnât be such a bad idea.
by submission | Feb 24, 2010 | Story
Author : Lisa Marie Andrews
“What’ll you choose?” She stood behind the boy and looked into the mirror. His cheeks were dusted with freckles; eyes darkened with indecision.
“I don’t know.” He said. He’d always thought it odd that the skinless wore no clothing. They walked exposed in bright coppers, burnished golds, and tarnished silvers.
“Once we weren’t given a choice.” Her fingers were polished from use. They through the windows refracted light from fingers to mirror to the boys pale skin. “Once it wasn’t voluntarily and the process would have lasted years, now you can choose, Jacob. How long do you want it to last?”
Jacob inhaled slowly. The soft scent of ozone crept into his lungs and he wondered if he could stand to never taste the air again. The glass misted over as he exhaled.
“Why’d you pick to be the way that you are?” He asked.
“The way that I am?” Her laughter rippled in waves and bounced off of the walls. “You’re of the fourth generation, Jacob. You should be used to this by now. Natural growth is a slow process and I’d been flesh for long enough.”
“But, mother, is it really enough? You lost things when you chose to Transition. You could have stayed flesh, you wouldn’t have lost anything.” The metamaterial that was his mother’s face grimaced, but the emotion didn’t, couldn’t, touch her eyes.
“Look outside, Jacob.” The room shifted and the walls became windows. “How many adults do you see wearing original skin?” The figures that lined the streets below were varied in shapes, sizes, and colors, and most of them reflected the suns light. They rippled and flowed across aged pathways.
“You don’t miss anything? Any of it?” His hands pressed against the windows, the oil of his skin marred the pristine glass. “You didn’t love any of it enough to stay. To just wait through it. Grandpa waited through it. He said it could be, that it might be, better…to just wait.”
“What do you love the most?” She said.
“The tastes, the smells, the -feel- of the air on my skin, the way it brings warmth and coolness to me. I’ll miss that. I love that.” His voice cracked, just a bit, and his eyes widened in surprise.
“But for years you’d be uncomfortable. Your voice will crack and yes, the cracking will fade, but you’ll age, like your grandfather. It’s your final day to choose, Jacob. Your voice just proved that to you, even if nothing else has.”
Jacob pushed open a window and let the currents of air dance across his skin, let the warmth of the sun kiss his freckled cheeks. He watched a woman with sunken skin wrapped around hollowed eyes, with arms that hung in gentle folds of flesh, set a slow pace down the pathway. Would she live for another 10 years? His mother would live much longer. Much longer then everything that wasn’t, or hadn’t been, rebuilt. She wouldn’t ever be like that. His arms looked small, bony, and he wondered what it would be like to wake in the morning tall and strong. What would it feel like to move with the fluid motion of the skinless? What would it be like to never feel his bones grow frail and worn by time and to never again feel the sun.
“Make me like you.” He tasted the air again. His mother pulled him into an embrace before she opened the door and they turned to leave.
by submission | Feb 23, 2010 | Story
Author : Phill English
Special Agent Jessy McCormick knocked gently on the door of the Director’s office. He looked up from his desk, where a large holographic display was swarming with reports that he was busy gesturing into folders, signing quickly, or dumping into a bottomless recycling bin. He didn’t pause as he addressed her.
“Yes, Special Agent?”
“Sir, we’ve just received a call from the Deterministic Energy Department.”
The Director grunted. “And? What do they want?”
“They want you to take a look at something. They say it’s important.”
The Director barked a laugh, “I’ve got an outbreak of Chaotics in the main district, over one thousand energy directives to implement, and a list of official emails that I might finish reading when I’m asleep in the grave. What could be so important?”
“They say they’ve found a cache. They said they believe it to be the biggest they’ve seen for decades. Centuries, perhaps. Sir, they said they’ve found the ‘motherload’.”
The Director’s hands finally stopped sweeping the console’s face. “‘Motherload’? That’s the exact term they used?”
“Yes sir.”
The Director was already out the door before Special Agent McCormick had a chance to ask what it meant. By the time she caught up, he was already stepping into one of the department’s cuboid transports. “Did they say where they were?”
“Yes sir. Third District, Thirteenth Iteration.”
“Thank you Special Agent, dismissed.”
* * *
The maniacal sobbing was audible as soon as the Director stepped from the transport. DED troops surrounded the entrance to the Iteration. The Chief of the DED was standing at the entrance. He greeted the Director as he arrived. “Thought you might like to see this before we set the boys loose. Not every day you get a cache like this.”
“Who’s the owner?”
The Chief consulted his display. “One Mrs. Narelle Williams. She’s the noise you can hear. Totally deranged. Keeps screaming that her boy will be coming home any minute now. The room is his apparently, perfectly preserved.”
“Is he here?”
“Records show he died in the riots three years ago. Hardcore Chaotic.”
“Good. Less ownership issues. May I?”
“Go ahead.”
The Director ducked down into a room hidden by a false bookcase. This was old tech, probably put in place in the final days before Order was imposed. As he descended the final steps and turned to inspect the space, he was dumbstruck. It was quite a small room, perhaps five square metres, but what it lacked in size it made up for in clutter. Mangled sheets cascaded from a bed that was half buried in an assortment of sex mags and political books. Any of the stained carpet that may have once showed through was covered by food wrappers, clothes, and moldy tissues. The shelves were lined with action figures and the walls practically hidden by a layering of posters. The finishing touch was provided by a pair of filthy underpants hung from a ceiling fan.
The Director whistled. The DED had their work cut out for them. Restoring Order to this mess would yield enough energy to power the District for years.
by Patricia Stewart | Feb 22, 2010 | Story
Author : Patricia Stewart, Staff Writer
The two Capellians had traveled over 40 light years to collect a breeding pair of humans for the University of Xenobiology, on Capella Prime. During the trip, they also diligently recorded the various transmissions emanating from Earth in order to provide their scholars with as much cultural information about Earthmen as possible.
Satisfied that his trap was properly set, Lerâth returned to the spaceship and said, âAs they say here on Earth, I am âclever as a coyoteâ, yes?â
âI believe the phrase is âclever as a foxâ,â corrected Sefalâl. âCoyotes are stupid animals. Remember, they are the predators that are constantly being run over by ground transportation vehicles, or falling off of cliffs.â
Before Lerâth could reply, the trap alarm sounded. âWow, that was fast,â he said as he glanced at the monitor. âWe snagged one large one and one smaller one. Looks like this will be a quick trip.â
âNot so fast Lerâth. We need to make sure we have a male and female.â The Capellians left their camouflaged ship and approached the trap. âEarth humans,â asked Sefalâl, âare you a breeding couple?â
âHell no,â snapped the slightly inebriated adult. âThis is my son, Billy-Bob. Weâs out here on a huntinâ trip. Looks like we got caught in yâalls snare. Howâs about letting us out?â
âNot likely, human. We must take at least one of you back to our planet, along with a female.â
âWhatâs that? A woman you say?â inquired the now interested adult.
âYes. And, as well as our trap appears to be working, we may be able to capture whoever you want? Would you prefer, Mary Ann Summers, Ginger Grant, Jeannie Nelson, or Mindy McConnell?â
âHoly crap,â belched the old man. âThemâs old television characters. I reckon that they must be a hundred years old by now. I ainât agoinâ on no trip with them. Now let us out of here, or Iâll blast ya.â He waved his twelve gage threateningly.
âDonât be absurd, human. We know how to make your projectile weapons useless.â Lerâth extended a finger and stuck it into the end of the barrel.
âDad, donât shoot,â pleaded the teenager. âLet me try something.â He held up his cell phone. âListen, you scum bags, my weapon contains corbomite. You either let us out, or Iâll blow you to pieces.â
âOoooh, noooo, not corbomite,â mocked Lerâth. âYou mean the stuff Captain Kirk said would destroy the Fesarius ship. That was a bluff. See, we know more about your treachery than you think earthmen. Perhaps we should just destroy you both, and collect two new samples.â
âDonât fret, son,â said the father as he pulled a stainless steel flask out of his back pocket. âI didnât want to use this, but these aliens leave me no choice.â
âHah. Look Sefalâl, heâs got a pretend phaser. Or maybe itâs a light saber, eh?â Both aliens began to make a cackling noise, which presumably, was laughter.
âNope, my friends,â slurred the old man. âThis here is an Illudium Pew-36 Explosive Space Modulator.â
Instantly, the Capellians became silent. âWhoa, hold on there Mister Earthman. Thereâs no need to overreact. We were just having a little fun. Look, weâre opening the trap. There, see, youâre free to go. No hard feelings.â The two aliens began backing up toward their spaceship. When they got close, they darted inside. A few seconds later, the spaceship was a distant black dot in the clear blue sky.â
The old man took a swig from the flask and smiled. âDamn aliens. Letâs go home, son. I canât wait to tell your ma that I werenât wastinâ my time watchinâ them cartoons after all.â
